"You're retarded" -- a phrase commonly heard on playgrounds and in schoolyards from young children who are trying to insult each other in an argument. But it appears that children aren't the only ones uttering this remark, that many would consider to be politically incorrect, disrespectful and rude.

       This terminology is commonplace in hit reality television shows, sitcom episodes and even in dramatic legal shows. We are exposed to adult characters throwing out the word retarded as a way to describe something that they feel is 'wrong', or 'not normal.' Quite often it is used as a replacement for other derogatory insults to call someone such as "idiot", "dummy", and "stupid."

       But what does the word retarded actually mean? After consulting four dictionaries (three Canadian and one American), I came to find a common word in each definition. The word that appeared in each dictionary was "slow." Many years ago it was considered, by some people's standards, to be acceptable to describe someone who is physically or mentally disabled "retarded" as they were looked at as being "slow" individuals. And by "slow", most people viewed it as the person not looking the same, walking the same or living the same as the general population. Many people said that "slow" referred to someone having a slow brain, unable to process thoughts as fast as others. That may be the case in some situations, but we would all fall into that category with certain subject areas. And the popular belief that these people aren't as smart as anyone else couldn't be further from the truth.

       Having a friend with Down syndrome has given me an eye-opening experience into the life of someone who, by society's standards, would be considered "slow." But there is nothing slow about this 23-year-old. His name is Adam. I marvel at his talents and amazing memory every time I see him. I am willing to bet that half of the sports fans and even sportscasters in this country can't retain statistical information about their favourite hockey team, let alone many of the players on it as well as Adam can. Sitting down with him one afternoon and thinking he was just making up the stats he was telling me, I consulted a hockey magazine Adam had in his bedroom. And you know what? He was right on every account. Adam also rattled off information from the back of hockey cards from 1979 that I was holding and not showing him. He was right again. So in terms of retaining all of that information alone, I would think he is much "faster" than the average sports enthusiast, let alone someone who's never picked up a hockey stick before.

       However, it isn't just sports. Adam can also tell you every detail about his favourite model of car. While he isn't capable of driving one, Adam is certainly able to recite historical information about the make and even the company that manufactures it.  Again, to the average person this information may not be easily remembered but for Adam it's a breeze. Some people may wonder what the point is of knowing all those details. The real point is that there are many people who know lots of facts and information about topics others would find useless. But what one person may consider to be insignificant could be fascinating or useful to someone else. I know lots about rabbits, cordless phones and lava lamps, but very little about cooking, goat farming, chainsaw repair and even why fools fall in love. The differences between my knowledge and that of an expert in those subject areas doesn't make me any less of a person than they are. It doesn't make me stupid or "retarded", it just means I am different or unique. That isn't necessarily a bad thing.

       So while Adam may be easily stumped by math equations, I am too. He may not be able to skate like the hockey players he idolizes. Nor can I. Adam may not be able to drive like the racecar drivers he watches on TV. I can't either. At times Adam may have difficulty expressing himself. Sometimes I do too. And Adam may not realize that people look at him strangely because he isn't like everyone else. But I do. While that doesn't make me any smarter than him, it does make me more understanding of what people in Adam's shoes go through everyday of their lives. It also makes me feel like a better human being for accepting others as they are.

       Some people will defend the use of the word, saying "retarded" isn't an insult. But by definition, would anyone really want to be called "slow", or essentially "stupid"? Probably not. Just like many people would find being called fat or ugly to be insulting, sometimes these traits are beyond an individual's control. Such is the case with people who have Down syndrome. Furthermore, a lot of people develop medical conditions for unknown reasons. They didn't do anything to cause it, but should these people be gawked at and degraded with name-calling? Do we hear breast cancer patients taunted with "ha ha, you have one breast" or "that's hilarious, you're bald"? I wouldn't think so. However, for some people it is perfectly fine to comment on the differences of others. It may not be easy to see that these remarks cause pain and hurt, but for the friends and family of these people who have to listen to such comments, sometimes the result is heartbreaking.

       Many people like Adam aren't as uptight and closed-minded as a large segment of the population. Life is all about fun and there is always a smile on his face. Does that make him any better than the rest of us? Not necessarily. But it does make him extraordinary and special in his own way. We all are. And I am proud to call Adam my friend.