Not here.  Not in our town.  The words that many people in Red Lake, Taber, Littleton, Cold Spring, Santee, Mount Morris Township, Edinboro, Bethel, Selkirk, Roblin, and Langruth were saying before each of these towns became front page news through cases of bullying in local area schools.  To most Canadians these locations were unknown before the incidents.  But in our homes?  In our schools?

       Most recently we watched in horror another devastating attack on a school, this time in Minnesota.  In Red Lake, a young boy, reportedly "a loner", who was teased and bullied by other students lashed out and took the lives of nine others and then turned the gun on himself to end his own misery.  We are shocked as we see these saddening images, however they have become an all too familiar scene on our televisions and in newspapers.  There are many words that describe these situations but one that isn't often heard is "surprising."

       Many times these troubled children show signs that something is bothering them.  In the latest case the child visited and posted comments on Nazi websites, talked about dying and slitting his wrists.  Other times there are suggestions that something is wrong.  But rarely are any steps taken to help the youngster get his or her life together and on track.  It's widely believed that there isn't enough positive reinforcement and support in the home and at school.  Quite often the children come from broken homes or may even be bullied by family members, including their own parents.  While many parents wouldn't think they are bullies, some children feel pressure to live up to certain expectations that mom and dad have placed on them.

       One example is that of hockey parents.  Frequently this group is criticized for being too hard on kids by shouting instructions and "encouraging" remarks while the players are on the ice.  Recently at a hockey game with nine and 10-year-olds, comments such as "Nicole, get your head in the game," and "Jordan, what was that?" were heard as parents banged on the glass and screamed.  So during a recreational game, the kids are feeling pressure to live up to mom and dad's hopes of being the next Wayne Gretzky and the fun is quickly taken out of the game.

       Another instance is when a player gets slammed into the boards and is laying on the ground the parents can be heard shouting "get up, get up" not knowing if the child is in pain.  It's only after the child is helped back up to his or her feet by a coach and ushered back to the bench when there is a round of applause in the arena.  Very rarely, unless a goal is scored, can applause be heard from the crowd at these games.  At this age hitting isn't allowed on the ice, but it's not a problem for the parents in the stands to create a scene by swearing, threatening and even throwing punches at coaches, referees, and even other parents.  This certainly doesn't seem to be a positive lead-by-example approach to show the players.

       But helmets are not only used in hockey games.  One school in Manitoba was trying to stop bullying by attempting to embarrass kids by teaching them that harassing peers is "stupid." In Langruth, bullies got a taste of their own medicine with something a teacher called "role-playing."  The so-called bullies were forced to wear a helmet with the words "loser" and "I'm stupid" written across it while the victims and other students laughed, pointed and called the helmet-wearers names in a form of role-playing.  Many parents were outraged, however, a large portion of the population felt that turning the tables on these bullies was a positive way to put an end to the harassment.  But the question remains -- was it at all helpful?

       Having the bullies wear a helmet is ironic, as that piece of equipment is designed to avoid physical harm to a person.  However, this does not protect the bullies from the emotional harm brought on by the insults being hurled at them from their peers.

       It's widely believed that many people put others down to make themselves feel better, possibly because of low self-esteem.  If that is the case, how would subjecting a bully to embarrassment and making him or her feel horrible help their low self-esteem?  It would be interesting to hear a teacher's point of view for how using words like "loser" and "stupid" fit into classroom learning.  The role-playing may be considered a learning tool by the teacher, but wouldn't something with a positive message work just as effectively instead of forcing a child to wear something as degrading as a dunce cap?  Many schools have a crown to wear or some sort of special prize to reward students for doing good things.  And what you find is pupils competing with each other to win the prize.  It seems a bit odd that a school would teach children what not to do by having them do it, and making a game of it.  When the students are old enough to learn how to drive, is the driving instructor going to teach them to not drink and drive by slamming back a case of beer and getting behind the wheel?

       The students at the Langruth school are around nine and 10-years-old.  But at 16, the result of bullying may have proved fatal.  In Roblin, Manitoba, bullying was attributed to a young boy taking his own life.  It will never be known for sure if in fact the reason he hanged himself is to be blamed on bullying.  What is known is that classmates say the victim was teased and taunted by other students.  It's quite possible that this child was called names like "loser" and "stupid", much like at the Langruth school.  If speculation is correct and the name-calling, taunting and teasing contributed to his death, how can schools say this is an effective way of teaching right from wrong? Many psychologists say that with positive messages and positive reinforcement at an early age (and throughout the developmental years), many of these problems later in life can be avoided.

       In a world where the number of cases of depression is on the rise, some would argue that any sort of negative attitude towards a child who is still emotionally developing is unhelpful.  So embarrassing the child and making the kid feel like a fool may, according to some, work in the short term, but what about in the future?  Could these students who are subjected to "learn the hard way" become even more emotionally troubled or a greater threat to society as the adolescent years approach?

       School violence in elementary schools doesn't seem to be a great concern for society.  It's the stories with gun- or bomb-toting students who are older that grip the nation.  Many times the result in these situations is death.  And typically after an incident, the stories about the assailant's childhood and upbringing are analyzed.  Quite often there is a link between the two. Instead of blaming the peers of the child next time something like this happens, perhaps grown-ups should take a step back and look at the techniques used in raising the children.  Maybe then the question that should be asked is, "How did I contribute to the problem?" instead of finger-pointing at the kids.