JB- Back to Hollywood Squares.  It seemed like it was just fun all the time, like it was you all just playing.

BV- Yeah I know.  Well, it was with all the usual backstage carrying on.  But it was.  I mean, the idea was to get nine people together and have a good time and play a game.  And that's what we did.  We would shoot five of them in a day - we'd shoot three and then have lunch.  Since there was usually wine at lunch, the back two (shows) were friskier than the first three.  And it was a good time.  It was a great gig.  We shot 36 days a year, which was spaced out usually on weekends.

JB-  One thing that immediately comes to mind is all the shirts that you wore.  Now I know you have an extensive collection of T-shirts.

BV-  I do.  I have many thousands.

JB-  How many would you say you have?

BV- I have 3000.

JB-  Really?

BV- I've got about a thousand of them in the house and then I have…a storage facility where they go awaiting their auction on EBay.  My assistant keeps saying, "You're an EBay auction waiting to happen!"

JB-  So a few questions about your shirts - Which is your favourite one?

BV-  I think it probably is the one that says, "Excuse me, you're standing on my penis." 

JB- (laughing)  Why that one?

BV- It takes people by surprise and they don't even realize that it's a dirty joke until they're done laughing.  It combines outrage and a kind of reality that I love.  I like that one.  I don't think I'd wear it to meet the Pope.

JB-  Where do you get them from?

BV-  Everywhere.  Especially now since the Internet.  Now I lose my nights just cruising the Net, surfing for shirts.  There's so many bizarre little shirts blogs out there.  But you can find all kinds of stuff. 

JB-  Is there one that you wanted to wear on Squares but they said, "No, you can't do that?"

BV-  There were tons of them that I wanted to wear on Squares.  One that we had a big fight over - someone had taken the Fed Ex logo and turned it into "Fed Sex - When you absolutely positively have to get it overnight."

JB-  (laughing)

BV-  And I wore that and we thought it was OK and then Fed Ex actually complained and said it was an infringement on their trademark.  And the Hollywood Squares lawyers, who I thought were pu***es myself, caved in.  The company could mistake it for their real logo.  And what Hollywood Squares said was, 'We don't want to appear to be endorsing a company that's not in fact a sponsor.'  Fed Ex's problem with it was they didn't like the parody because it was sexual in nature.  So we actually had to go in and pixelate the thing out for reruns which costs a lot of money and so people were annoyed.  I thought it was kind of ridiculous.  I thought they should have just said, "Oh, to hell with you."  Satire is satire.  But who wants to spend millions of dollars fighting with Fed Ex in court?

JB-  Why did your stint on the show stop?

BV-  They got cheap.

JB-  Is there ever a time you have trouble deciding what to wear?

BV-  All the time, sure, like everyone else.  Is this going to be seen?  Who's going to be watching this?  Where am I going to be?  Can I wear a shirt that actually has a swear word on it?  Am I going to be photographed a lot?  Am I going to be posing with people who would not like to be in picture with a man who's wearing a T-shirt that says, "F*** me and the horse I rode in on."

JB-  (laughing)  You have that one?

BV-  Or "Put your Willy Wonka in my chocolate factory."

JB- Your mother was a Broadway showgirl.

BV-  Kind of.

JB-  And you were very close to her.  How much of an influence did that have on you becoming… well, essentially a Broadway showgirl, right?

BV-  Right.  (laughing)  Tremendous.  Because I grew up and I developed a passion for the theatre when I was little and it was encouraged because both of my parents loved it and liked to be part of it.  At the same time they wanted me to be able to make a living, so they discouraged me from going into it professionally but they encouraged me for having a passion for it.  They were a little skeptical about me going into it as a business, as a career.  But sure, it was heavily influential.

JB-  Now for your role in Hairspray you shaved your beard.

BV-  I did.

JB-  And you had it for a couple decades, right?

BV-  32 years.

JB-  What was that like getting rid of it?

BV-  It was terrifying.  I decided not to do it alone because I thought if I did it by myself and I didn't like it I'd kill myself.  And I knew if I went on Regis and Kelly I would never kill myself on his show… because I would go for a show with bigger ratings.  You know, I'd go on American Idol if I was going to kill myself.

JB-  (laughing)

BV-  So I went on Regis and Kelly and shaved it there figuring that even if I was mortified by what was underneath all of that I would have to put a brave face on.

JB-  Was it as bad as you thought?

BV-  It worked.  They had me shaved by a barber who cut me actually, so I was bleeding all over Kelly Ripa.  It was a great moment in television.

JB-  Are you growing it back or are you keeping it off?

BV-  I'm keeping it off because I kind of like keeping it off.

JB-  You've played lots of characters onstage, including yourself.  How difficult is it for you to play Bruce?  How much rehearsing is there to get it right?

BV-  It's endless.  (laughing)  I've been in rehearsal for 58 years.