Jeremy Bradley-  The big thing is the Academy Awards.  It just passed.  First off, I want to know how many times you were mistaken for Brad Pitt.

Bruce Vilanch-  Well lately I've been mistaken for Chastity Bono, we did that TV series together.  Really now I'm only mistaken for her by her mother and the rest of the world can tell us apart.  Since people knew that Brad wasn't there I wasn't getting mistaken for him too often.  Which was good because if he were in town it would have been just endless, I would have been just diving from the paparazzi constantly.

JB-  And you hate the paparazzi, don't you?

BV-  Yeah, because they goad you into doing evil things.

JB-  What's the most evil thing you've had to do?

BV-  Oh, kill a puppy.

JB-  (laughing)

BV-  The truth is they don't lay and wait for me the way they do for people who they are interested in.  I mean, they're only interested in the people who are getting laid a lot or who they would like to sleep with.  So they follow them around.

JB-  And that's not you?  Come on…

BV-  They don't want to sleep with me, they'd much rather sleep with Colin Farrell.  And who wouldn't after that video?

JB-  (laughing)  So you've seen it?

BV-  Seen it?  Freeze framed it!

JB-  You're watching it now, aren't you?!?!

BV-  What they (paparazzi) do is they kind of try and goad you on so they can get pictures of you being ugly and being mad or doing something unpleasant because those are action shots and they get more money for them than just plain old posing.  What people don't realize is you never hear the red carpet except for the microphone that you're actually watching.  But what's going on in the background is there are people yelling and screaming vile things at all these people to try and make them angry so they'll get a better picture.

JB- Do people shout things at you?

BV-  Occasionally.

JB-  Is it good stuff or bad stuff?

BV-  Oh, it's all bad.  Well yeah, they would like to get a picture of me angry so they can sell it to somebody and they can make up some kind of story about it - "Jovial fat guy shows dark side".  (laughing)

JB-  What's the worst thing they've ever written about you?

BV-  I don't know.  I'm afraid to read it.  I do, but I'm trying to think of the… I'm trying to think… there isn't a single worst thing, I mean.  They either tend to be "Funny man Bruce Vilanch" or they are talking about how ridiculous I look.  I guess the worst one was, "Has this man ever had sex with anybody he hasn't paid?"

JB-  (laughing)

BV-  That's probably the worst.

JB- Wow.

BV-  Yeah.  Cruel world out there.

JB- About the Academy Awards, you were writing them again this year.  There is something that I've always wanted to know:  How much of the writing is tailored to the host?  Is there something that Billy Crystal would say that just wouldn't work for Jon Stewart?  How much of the host do you have in mind when writing?

BV- Well each one of them has an individual style so you have to write to that person's style.  I always liken it to designing a dress.  You wouldn't put Reese Witherspoon in the same dress you put Camryn Manheim in.  It's pretty much the same thing.  There are certain things that every host has to do but they have their own kind of spin on it.  They have their own style, their own attack.  In more extreme cases, obviously Whoopi Goldberg can do jokes that Jon Stewart can't do.  Whoopi Goldberg is a black Jewish woman and Jon Stewart is only Jewish.

JB-  What about political humour?  Do you think that's a sure bet to get laughs on Oscar night?  You know, like (this year's) Bjork (and Dick Cheney) joke.

BV-  Anything that's a sure bet to get laughs you'll hear.  Everybody kind of takes a risk because you never know what the mood is going to be.  The thing about the Oscars is it's more than just rewarding the movies, it's kind of like the year in review as seen through what happened at the movies because it's such a global event you can bring all kinds of things into play.  You can bring all kinds of lifestyle issues and politics, science - all kinds of things can be brought in as long as it's somehow attached to the movies.